16/52 | Watch them grow

 

 

There are parts of motherhood that escape me. It's as if I have popped my head down, to rest for just a fraction of time. Yet, there is no rest for mothers and so when I raise my head, time has lapsed and there they are, my boys grown.

 

This was one of those weeks.

 

Watching Mason grow, everyday, is not hard. He is the eldest and I suppose there is a thrill that comes with watching them meet milestones, of uncovering new depths in their own little selves. The first time they sit, the first time they walk, the first word, the first stick figure, we celebrate the firsts for them, we reach for them and relish them as mothers do.

 

With the second, we ache. We hold on to them, because we know!

 

As mothers we know just how vicious the resting and the reaching can be for them as children, we know that they are not forever. That the dimples on their bottoms fade, their want for the breast, their reach for our hand.... it all fades. We rest less, we celebrate less, we mourn.

 

It is no less beautiful, it is no less a marvel to see our little miniature humans thrive the way we so hope they would!... Simply we know and respect what time takes from mothers.

 

When my eldest left for school last year, for his very first year - in uniform too big for him, in a  bag that hid him from the world filled mostly food and hope. I wasn't sad. I didn't cry like I thought I would. Because he was my first, he was my big boy... I was proud and I forgot about the rest, I forgot about time. I was simply proud of his aging and his moving forward.

 

This week however, my big boy lost a tooth. 

 

For the very first time, I took pause, I ached and I acknowledged that no attempt from me, no matter how big, will ever hold him back for me, will ever allow me to  keep them just so, with their tininess nuzzled in my neck. They will always grow, they will always reach. And as their mother truly, it is what I know and want for them.

 

But this week as the toothfairy made her round, she paused, she breathed in his sticky scent of dirt and sweetness and wiped the tear from my cheek.

 

He will grow, despite me, and I will love him every day for it!

 

 

Linking in with Jodie for the 52 Project and the mums over at The Whole Hearted Journal